"Temper Tantrums Demystified: A Parent's Guide to Taming the Storm"

Dr Megha Desai Shah (Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, Ahmedabad)

Tantrums can be exhausting for the caregivers to manage. The key is in understanding why they happen and learning to manage them. Lets begin by understanding what it is, and how do these typically look.

A temper tantrum is an intense storm of emotions like anger, loss, disappointment, and frustration leading to extreme, unpleasant and sometimes aggressive behaviour.

In toddlers, behaviours typically include crying, screaming, hitting, throwing things and breath-holding spells. But it can be different for different age groups. They’re a normal part of child development.

Temper tantrums are considered a normal part of a child's behaviour from 1.5 to 5 years of age. They occur once a day and last typically from 5-10 minutes.

This usually happens because kids are still at an early stage of social, emotional and language development. So tantrums are their way of expressing their needs and feelings. Older children can have tantrums too. That is because they haven’t yet learned safe ways to express or manage feelings.

A child’s temper tantrum is not a reflection of poor parenting.

Try these when your child throws tantrum:

1. Find a distraction: Point out something interesting or engage them in an activity.

2. Stay calm: Don’t threaten, lecture or argue with them because that will make the tantrum worse. Later, when they are quiet and calm, talk to them about their earlier behaviour.

3. Teach children to recognise and communicate their emotions: They often don’t have the vocabulary to describe their frustration, jealousy, anger or disappointment. Tantrums are how they express their feelings. Give them the words they need to express themselves: “I see you’re angry now. You’re crying, and your face is red.”

4. Teach them methods to calm down: Parents can help children to calm down by using techniques like 'deep breathing' , 'counting backwards' etc.

5. Ignore the tantrum: It shows the child that a tantrum is unacceptable and won’t get them what they want.

6. Keep them safe: Remove any dangerous objects near them. Consider holding your child, so they don’t hurt themselves.

7. Set a good example: Children look up to their parents, watching their behaviour. Model healthy strategies when you’re upset or frustrated.

Try not to:

1. Give in or change your mind: If you do that, children learn that tantrums help them get what they want.

2. Hit, bite or kick back: your child may learn that this is acceptable behaviour because a parent is doing it. Instead, make it clear that they’re doing something hurtful, which is not allowed.

How to prevent a temper tantrum:

1. Give choices: Instead of saying "NO" or "You can't do this", let them choose, within reason. For example, they can choose between two outfits or two snacks. Being able to choose helps your child feel in control.

2. Prepare for transitions: Try to prepare them in advance that a transition (leaving the home or playground) is coming so they’re ready for it. And bigger transitions need more preparation. For example, if a new sibling is coming or shifting a house, allow plenty of time to prepare your child.

3. Keeping a regular schedule for sleep and food: This helps reduce the irritability and chance for tantrum.

If tantrums are lasting for longer duration and occurs very frequently, parents are advised to consult a professional.